joy in bearing fruit in gloom and solitude

Streams in the Desert has yielded another jewel: “the realm of gloom became the home of revelation” (Dr. Jowett). I puzzle that I have entered this realm of gloom so much these days. It feels right, but it feels strange, as well as familiar. Somehow I am exploring some depths I have been afraid to look at fully before. I have known they were there, and talked much of them in some ways, but now I am spending time looking at them. Perhaps the strangeness is that I feel them even more keenly, yet I am also more detached. And with me is my dear Lord, watching and exploring with me. I remember as I write that He promised to answer all my whys. I need to remember that as I continue on, in peace, and look for the golden threads shining in the gloom. And as I do, I sing this promise from yesterday morning’s hymn at church:

Fear not, I am with thee; O be not dismayed!
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply:
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

3 verses from How Firm a Foundation by John Rippon

I affirm that it is a call from God to go through deep waters, and that in that process He is consuming my dross, and refining my gold. And so I will do what Dr. Jowett says others do who go through such “seasons of gloom and solitude”. I will “put on strength and hopefulness like a robe.” And I know I could not do the latter without the former, and trust for the continuing fruit of my pain, and the joy it gives me to know that yield.