joy in feeling at home

Today we ate Chinese takeout at a table overlooking Georgian Bay in a neighbouring town in Muskoka. It was a beautiful late afternoon, the last outing for us as a family with Rachel before her departure for Uganda in two days. We talked of places we had lived and loved, and our feelings about now living in Muskoka. As I looked at the coastline I reminisced about living in Scotland and B.C. with my husband's memories thrown in, and Rachel's questions and dreams. I realized how many times I had sat in lovely places like that and felt so lonely and rootless. It was so good to be enjoying that lovely place, savouring memories, and yet rejoicing that I have a home where I feel very much at home. Earlier in the day I had been writing to Ugandan friends so that Rachel will take my notes to them. I realized more fully as I wrote them how much at home I am here. If I ever visit Uganda again it will be special and I will know why I am doing it. But I don't need to go there to find some missing part of myself. I think that is necessary for my daughters, or at least for them to confirm them in who they now are. But for me, who went to Uganda as an adult, it seems different. And I have also lived in many places. So for me what is most important is to feel at home and rooted where I am. Then all things are possible, and I can be an armchair traveller, or I can go short distances like we did today, and gain great blessing from the time. It is good to have different seasons in our lives. This is how I feel today. Tomorrow may be different, and that will be fine too. But for today, this is a joy, and I treasure it.

joy in knowing kindred spirits

Today is a reflective day again, of course, as I help my daughter prepare for her trip to Uganda in three days' time. In the midst of going around our busy little town in circles all day, remembering and forgetting, buying and arranging, making sure we have not forgotten presents for all our missionary and Ugandan friends, I have been so aware of the continuing joy of knowing this lovely girl who is my daughter Rachel. She is a kindred spirit, and being with her helps me to feel more at home with myself. And of course that is true also of Sarah, who is waiting out in Uganda, eager to see and be with Rachel, but also eager to come home and enjoy being with us all as a family again. When you are the type of person I am, you can feel that there are very few people in the world like me. Friends who really connect with me at the deepest level and many levels in between, from spiritual to artistic to humourous to intellectual to practical and simple, are few and far between. Knowing them and keeping them over the years have been some of the treasures in my life. But giving birth to precious girls, connecting deeply with them through many stages, going through many deep waters together, has been one of the greatest joys of my life so far. And now both of them will be away together in a foreign land, facing new dangers and adventures. I long to be with them but am excited for them to fly their wings. I am proud that I have helped them get ready to fly, and that they are excited to do that, and also to fly back home for more time together. And I am thrilled that not only are they kindred spirits but they are lovely women of God, girls, pure in their relationships in every way, seeking to be real and true and honest as well. What else can I ask for, as a mother, and a friend, and a sister in Christ, with these dear children, gifts to me from my father God.

joy in daily living and relationships

Today has had lots of events which have occupied me and given me joy in simple ways - preparing shelves out of old cupboards, talking with my sister, daughter, husband and nephew, and other friends, reorganizing and cleaning the kitchen, enjoying meals on the back porch in the summer air, rejoicing in the ever growing steps down to the river, appreciating an apology from a friend, knowing the truth about the carpenter ants at the cottage. That didn't bring delight, but it helps to know the truth, and to walk through the problem with a capable carpenter and my dear sister. All these things I have mentioned have had their bittersweet qualities, as does so much of my life at my age. Knowing my daughter leaves in a few days for Uganda is bittersweet; seeing my helpful and dear nephew leave for school next week is bittersweet. Yes, these resemble some of the treasures in the darkness. There is something in the bittersweet that is almost sweeter than the wildly blooming flowers; the rose seems more gorgeous knowing as we grasp it we may touch a thorn. My husband has just turned 81; I am approaching 60 in just over a year. Many of my conversations are with younger people these days and I am amazed to find I have wisdom and patience for them. Life from this end can seem fragile but there is a richness I experience that surprises me more each day. Fall has always been my favourite season. I love autumn colours almost the best - after all they are my fashion palette! Perhaps I am learning more deeply the beauties of the autumn harvest.

joy in looking for treasures in the darkness

This is the day for me to post regularly on the devotional team blog, http://www.whateverhesays.blogspot.com/. And it is a day when I am suspecting, almost convinced, that the problem with our old family cottage, newly a big responsibility for my sister and me, has carpenter ants. Even worse than thinking about dry rot or wet rot. So what do two sisters do with almost no money for repairs, and a cottage full of memories that the next generation want to preserve? We may simply preside over the demolition of the past. And meantime the carpenter who will help us has just had an eye injury. Last summer was the time of my eye problem, when my retina began detaching and I learned about the threat of blindness for myself. My prayers are for him today, not for our old cottage. And my thanks again are for the help I received last summer to save my own eye. Puts things in perspective. My prayer for him and his family is that they will find treasures in the darkness of this trial, blessings in the storm. May it be so for all of us. We need always to look for treasures in the darkness. Here is my post for the other blog:

Trusting for Treasures in the Darkness

“I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places.”
Isaiah 45: 3.

These words were originally spoken by God to King Cyrus, but they were a special word from Him to me some years ago. And over and over again, God has given me treasures out of many kinds of darkness, and many secret places. I have given talks about the treasures He gave me out of much trial and difficulty in our years in Uganda. I could write a book about what He has given me since. And the stories go on, the lessons continue. Others may understand the same truths, but express them in other ways. My friend always says “In everything give thanks”, and “Grow in your valleys”, and then tells stories from her life of the blessings out of problems, the hidden things God did through great trials.

We could bring many verses from scripture to express the answer to our continual question to God – “Lord, what are you doing with this? Do you love me, Lord? Why is this happening? “And often we have to wait longer than we would like to know the answers to those questions. But God IS our Father, and He wants to answer our whys. He told me that recently. And eventually we come to be so grateful for how we have grown and could not imagine how we could have become who we are without all that pain and struggle. I can affirm that in so many ways in my life. I imagine you could too. And my hunch is that you need to hear that again from me, as I need to hear it from you, time and time again.

I found a story by Henry Ward Beecher in Streams in the Desert that illustrates the treasure in a special way. I share it here with you.

“I recollect, when a lad,..sitting on an elevation of a mountain , and watching a storm as it came up the valley. The heavens were filled with blackness, and the earth was shaken by the voice of thunder. It seemed as though that fair landscape was utterly changed, and its beauty gone never to return.

But the storm swept on, and passed out of the valley; and if I had sat in that same place on the following day, and said, “Where is that terrible storm, with all its terrible blackness?” the grass would have said, “Part of it is in me,” and the daisy would have said, “Part of it is in me,” and the fruits and flowers and everything that grows out of the ground would have said, “Part of the storm is incandescent in me.”

Have you asked to be made like your Lord? Have you longed for the fruit of the Spirit, and have you prayed for sweetness and gentleness and love? Then fear not the stormy tempest that is at this moment sweeping through your life. A blessing is in the storm, and there will be the rich fruitage in the “afterward.”

Let us keep expecting the treasures in the darkness, the blessings in the storm.

joy in giving thanks for all things - or rot at the top saves the structure?

We have some rotted rafters in the cottage roof - discovered during the removal of the old fireplace and chimney. Is it dry rot? How extensive is the damage? What can we afford to do with this lovely, memory-filled knockdown cottage? The very beams I spoke of in an early blog, on July 1st, are potentially sources of hurt - the roof could cave in!!! Yet the timing is amazing. Because of the other job, we found this out. We were able to delay completion of that job, and some other work we had arranged to have done can also be delayed and the carpenter instead employed on this investigation. We don't know if it will lead to a repair, or a demolition of a part of the cottage, or the sale of the entire land. But we can give thanks that God's timing has brought us this far and prevented some future disaster.

This situation reminds me of my friend's "carpet story". She and her aging mother were plagued with two floods in their old house. The first time the insurance company replaced the carpet, apparently doing a good job. Then she and her mother developed many allergies, respiratory problems, etc. and didn't know the cause. Then there was another flood. My friend was present when the carpet was being pulled up again and discovered, along with the workers, that the original carpet had been used for underlay, despite what the contract and bills had said. So the job was done properly, the cause of their ailments was removed, the other company got sued by the insurance people and the whole situation was sorted out for the better, and prevented something much, much worse from happening.

How many ways do we have rot and potential disasters growing under the surface in our lives? Today I also got wise about carcinogens in cosmetics and self care products and made the radical decision to make better choices. All of this feels like surgical incision, but it's mild compared to what might happen, with the cottage, and with my body. By the way, if you want to check out the cancer info on personal care products, just google about cancer and cosmetics, or ask me for specific website info.

God does care about the details, and can work so much better with us when we give thanks when hard things happen.

joy in self-acceptance

Amazing how non-self accepting we can be. I keep finding that out. Layers and layers of the rules I carry inside myself from all that I have known and experienced. How grateful I am for the help I have to continue to work things through, and how wonderful that God uses me along the way.

A song from the Medical Mission Sisters just plopped into my head. Here are a few lines:

"It's a long road to freedom, a winding steep and high; but when you walk in love with the wind on your wing, and cover the earth with the songs you sing, the miles fly by."

I learned that song in the late sixties. I have always loved it and pondered its meanings from time to time. For now, I am grateful to say that as I walk this long road to freedom, I do love to sing many songs, I do walk in love, I do discover the wind on my wing, and, in spite of my sense that life seems so long and hard sometimes, the miles do fly by.

May they do so for you, on your road to freedom.

joy in having time

Today was sort of my unofficial beginning to some "holidays". No big trip planned - my daughters are doing that, and we have to be at this end. No big deals at all..appointments, cleaning up, gardening, reading, going to the cottage, with some work entailed. But there is time..for the first time in a long time, there is time gifted to me, time for me to do what I need to do, and some to do what I want to do. I have hardly ever known what that feels like. I can't describe the feeling. It's hard to truly enjoy it yet with the stiff neck left over from my three week job, with the emotional and physical exhaustion still very close to the surface. But I am indeed looking forward to that time, knowing that when I go to bed tonight I will get a full rest, that I don't have to get more done tomorrow than I can cope with. I am so grateful for this gift. It will likely go by all too fast, but even in having that time, I know, because it is such a precious gift, I will use it well. I will try to savour every moment and remember it is a gift. And in a sense that is how we need to see every moment in our lives. I am so glad to be reminded about that. I have done a lot of living for the future, and hurting from the past. But this is today, and it is a gift. Tomorrow is coming, and it is a gift. May it also be so for you.

With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years is like a day.
2 Peter 3: 8b.

So I guess that could also mean that it feels like a thousand years since I had a holiday - but at least there will be tons of stuff happening in each of my days!!!