I couldn't have got on the computer if I had tried last night, with the girls and their friends and their plans. Even though we don't like Hallowe'en, we don't want to deprive the neighbourhood kids, so we each did our duty running to the door. Jim and I were enjoying watching Amazing Grace again, that wonderful story of William Wilberforce. I was basking in the peace of my session on the phone with my dear Spiritual Director from Tyndale, with whom I chat once a month now. We could both see the fruit of prayer and growth in my life this past month. She read from a psalm as usual and I considered quoting from it this morning, but that can wait. The main thing is that we both could feel the calm and strength that have grown in me by God's grace. It is wonderful when you have the opportunity of sharing with another who hasn't connected with you for awhile. And who has ears to hear God's voice as well. That was such a blessing.
Now I am preparing for another Georgian Adult Ed training course and need to prepare for the long early morning drive. As I sit here with my dear cat Velvet basking beside me, I rejoice with all that is so good and peaceful in my life.
Earlier this week a line from Streams in the Desert jumped out at me and I knew I would be sharing it:
"It is your business to learn to be peaceful and safe in God in every situation."
What good words those are. I guess I have been trying to live that for some time now, in many ways all my life, and what I have shared has been the struggles I have had as I worked on that. But it is also good to have it confirmed in these simple and stark, but true and helpful words from another.
May God continue to speak to each of us today, in our hearts, and in the words of others, and in His word.
November 01, 2008
October 31, 2008
joy in communicating well, in growing with others
I am not preparing my posts the night before as I thought...at least not since then..so part of writing this later in the morning is that I have had some important chats with a friend and my daughter and rejoice in growth in learning from each other. That is a blessing in this time of working at home...getting more organized and giving myself some space to catch up with myself...it makes it easier to articulate things in communicating with others...that solid growth over these months continues then in new ways..
Even as I sort I am listening to a well written novel in which the characters are sensitively portrayed and realistically developed and it is not only learning for me as a writer but as a person who is training to help others more...all of this helps with my personal growth...I am grateful for God's activity in my life in these simple ways. We have so much to learn from others. I look forward to my monthly phone chat with my spiritual director from Tyndale seminary. That will happen later today. God is so good to us, working deftly to train us and help us grow.
May He bless us all today as we seek to grow in Him and to grow up into all that we can be.
Even as I sort I am listening to a well written novel in which the characters are sensitively portrayed and realistically developed and it is not only learning for me as a writer but as a person who is training to help others more...all of this helps with my personal growth...I am grateful for God's activity in my life in these simple ways. We have so much to learn from others. I look forward to my monthly phone chat with my spiritual director from Tyndale seminary. That will happen later today. God is so good to us, working deftly to train us and help us grow.
May He bless us all today as we seek to grow in Him and to grow up into all that we can be.
October 30, 2008
joy in little details, and accepting ourselves
The wintry sun blazes at me through the window on my left as I write. This is another chosen day to not teach so I can get more of the backlog cleared in the basement. Also I found the pain in my left foot still a nuisance as I moved around the school on Tuesday. It added to the fatigue that is still so deep within my body, emotional and physical. So I accepted all that and chose to spend a few days healing in many ways and working on the more advanced stages of sorting Mum's and my stuff in the basement. It is all a legacy of running too hard for some years.
I was excited to learn this morning in an email that my niece, whom I support financially as a YWAM staff member, based in New Zealand, has been granted missionary status for her two month furlough here in Canada in the new year. I recall the complicated arrangements we had to make for our health during our stays in Canada during our missionary years. I am so glad for her. She is out in Indonesia at the moment, doing pastoral visits to all their outreach teams, in difficult countries. What a blessing to look back over the years and remember that it was on her visit to us as a family in Uganda many years ago that she recommitted her life to Christ. God is so faithful, and she has been so faithful to Him for all these years, so earnestly seeking His will.
My daughters are praying and dreaming into their futures. One is looking in great detail at university options, and visiting them with friends around her work schedule. The other is planning her "gap year", wondering now about sailing the Mediterranean following the journeys of Paul with the Bible school network that the other daughter was part of in a castle in England last year. I am so glad they, like my niece, can find godly ways to have adventures that are satisfying to their souls in many ways.
Meanwhile I think about snow tires, boxes of stuff to be sorted, getting enough sleep, arranging house repairs with my husband, taking time to settle deep within myself in the midst of preparations for my long term studies again next year.
Enough to stay and pray in the day.
I was excited to learn this morning in an email that my niece, whom I support financially as a YWAM staff member, based in New Zealand, has been granted missionary status for her two month furlough here in Canada in the new year. I recall the complicated arrangements we had to make for our health during our stays in Canada during our missionary years. I am so glad for her. She is out in Indonesia at the moment, doing pastoral visits to all their outreach teams, in difficult countries. What a blessing to look back over the years and remember that it was on her visit to us as a family in Uganda many years ago that she recommitted her life to Christ. God is so faithful, and she has been so faithful to Him for all these years, so earnestly seeking His will.
My daughters are praying and dreaming into their futures. One is looking in great detail at university options, and visiting them with friends around her work schedule. The other is planning her "gap year", wondering now about sailing the Mediterranean following the journeys of Paul with the Bible school network that the other daughter was part of in a castle in England last year. I am so glad they, like my niece, can find godly ways to have adventures that are satisfying to their souls in many ways.
Meanwhile I think about snow tires, boxes of stuff to be sorted, getting enough sleep, arranging house repairs with my husband, taking time to settle deep within myself in the midst of preparations for my long term studies again next year.
Enough to stay and pray in the day.
October 29, 2008
joy in finding (again) the timeless in the timely
Not unexpectedly my post for today came out of my drive home with my daughter last night. It was extra important, because this is my weekly post on the team devotional blog, www.whateverhesays.blogspot.com. I wondered when I was thinking ahead if such a thing would happen. And there it was, so clear, on the drive home again. It pleases me also to weave in my daughter's sensitivity as well as my own. God is good, way more than good!! I wanted something fresh and of the moment. My own life is chugging along, lots of stuff on the burners, nothing burning hotly at the moment, just keeping warm. And that is good for me in this season. But sometimes blog posts are best when they are hot!! Here it is, but you can see it best in context on the blog itself.
Cast me gently into morning
Another long drive home up the highway from Irish dancing lessons together. One of my deep hearted daughters sits beside me as I navigate the darkness in the high winds of the approaching storm. She turns up the volume on her Sarah McLachlan CD and says "Mum, listen to this. It was a special song for me in Uganda last summer. It's not a Christian song but for me it was like God's voice speaking to me, and me speaking back to Him."
Answer
I will be the answer
At the end of the line
I will be there for you
While you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty
I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance
If you can't look down
If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
And when the stars have all gone out
You'll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight
Cast me gently into morning
For the night has been unkind
Sarah McLachlan
My daughter shares how this song spoke to her in her darkest moment where she felt without hope, despite her relationship with the Lord. The song gave her hope, words to cling to, and helped her come into a morning of new trust in God's direction for her life. She is still on that journey, growing closer to God through the darkness she has known, understanding her own depths more clearly, and in them finding that there is no darkness too dark for Him.
Her experience of course highlights mine. I remember my struggles at her age, and reflect on how I walked away from trusting God for a time when I came into dark places, and chose lesser lights to lead me on, and then through going further into my darkness found His light again. I was so grateful that my daughter had used her pain to lead her deeper into God's love, had had the courage to embrace her darkness and let God be the one to cast her "gently into morning."
I reflect how just that morning I found several notes in a journal I created for my father over 25 years ago. It surfaced in my sorting of my mother's papers. Of course the passages I had copied out especially for him had come from my own treasured notes from years before that.
I had written, "My night allows the light to enter.' I don't know where I quoted it from. I only knew it was true.
Another note was a quotation Dad had been the first to give to me in earlier years, quoting it from the radio speech King George V had given in World War II. It was one of those treasures from my reticent shy father that told me he was a man of deep faith underneath all the reserve.
I said to the man who stood
at the gate of the year -
"Give me a light that I may tread
safely into the unknown."
And he replied
"Go out into the darkness
and put your hand
into the hand of God.
That shall be to you
better than light and
safer than a known way."
M.L. Haskins
My father's voice, my daughter's voice, my voice, the voices of secular singers, other writers, kings...whatever the medium, God speaks. God refreshes lights as He allows more darkness. He layers the metaphors...my daughter shares about inner darkness as we drive on the winding dark road home. A CD player, an old black notebook, handwritten notes from a loving daughter, me, to my father, heartfelt sharing from my loving daughter to me, her mother. So the circle goes, so the journey goes, ever onward, and upward, out of the darkness, through the darkness, gently into morning. Our heavenly Father leads us gently, faithfully, weaving threads like golden braids through the years, through the generations, through songs, poems, sayings, radio broadcasts, through others' words. The timeless and the timely, always together.
Cast me gently into morning
Another long drive home up the highway from Irish dancing lessons together. One of my deep hearted daughters sits beside me as I navigate the darkness in the high winds of the approaching storm. She turns up the volume on her Sarah McLachlan CD and says "Mum, listen to this. It was a special song for me in Uganda last summer. It's not a Christian song but for me it was like God's voice speaking to me, and me speaking back to Him."
Answer
I will be the answer
At the end of the line
I will be there for you
While you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty
I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance
If you can't look down
If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
And when the stars have all gone out
You'll still be burning so bright
Cast me gently into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight
Cast me gently into morning
For the night has been unkind
Sarah McLachlan
My daughter shares how this song spoke to her in her darkest moment where she felt without hope, despite her relationship with the Lord. The song gave her hope, words to cling to, and helped her come into a morning of new trust in God's direction for her life. She is still on that journey, growing closer to God through the darkness she has known, understanding her own depths more clearly, and in them finding that there is no darkness too dark for Him.
Her experience of course highlights mine. I remember my struggles at her age, and reflect on how I walked away from trusting God for a time when I came into dark places, and chose lesser lights to lead me on, and then through going further into my darkness found His light again. I was so grateful that my daughter had used her pain to lead her deeper into God's love, had had the courage to embrace her darkness and let God be the one to cast her "gently into morning."
I reflect how just that morning I found several notes in a journal I created for my father over 25 years ago. It surfaced in my sorting of my mother's papers. Of course the passages I had copied out especially for him had come from my own treasured notes from years before that.
I had written, "My night allows the light to enter.' I don't know where I quoted it from. I only knew it was true.
Another note was a quotation Dad had been the first to give to me in earlier years, quoting it from the radio speech King George V had given in World War II. It was one of those treasures from my reticent shy father that told me he was a man of deep faith underneath all the reserve.
I said to the man who stood
at the gate of the year -
"Give me a light that I may tread
safely into the unknown."
And he replied
"Go out into the darkness
and put your hand
into the hand of God.
That shall be to you
better than light and
safer than a known way."
M.L. Haskins
My father's voice, my daughter's voice, my voice, the voices of secular singers, other writers, kings...whatever the medium, God speaks. God refreshes lights as He allows more darkness. He layers the metaphors...my daughter shares about inner darkness as we drive on the winding dark road home. A CD player, an old black notebook, handwritten notes from a loving daughter, me, to my father, heartfelt sharing from my loving daughter to me, her mother. So the circle goes, so the journey goes, ever onward, and upward, out of the darkness, through the darkness, gently into morning. Our heavenly Father leads us gently, faithfully, weaving threads like golden braids through the years, through the generations, through songs, poems, sayings, radio broadcasts, through others' words. The timeless and the timely, always together.
October 28, 2008
joy in trusting God's control
I have to set off to a town almost an hour away. It is a cold morning and I am helping my daughter with an assignment before I leave. It feels like the days are beginning when I will need to write my blogs at night to be posted in the morning, so that I feel composed when I write. I am trusting the Lord this morning, and grateful for my work, but time is running out, so I will begin that new routine tonight. How I feel this morning is not a reflection of my true feeling, but my energy is directed into my day ahead, so I will bless you all for now, and know we are all in His loving care, and write what I had intended to write tonight to be posted tomorrow. As the Scots say, "Cheerio!"
October 27, 2008
joy in an attitude of gratitude
I am grateful to be back safely from lots of driving up and down the corridor to Toronto. I am glad that I found a way to deal with Toronto that avoids the worst part of the 400 and the 401, by using Highway 27. When my sister and I went with the friend we were encouraging to take some of her stuff to the back door of the secondhand store, all three of us were impressed with the attitude of the young man who helped us. My friend had talked with him before and commented on his wonderful positive attitude. He immediately spoke of how he had learned that from his mother, a woman of great faith. And he also spoke of the fact that even though he hadn't adopted her Christian faith himself he honoured it because of what he had seen her do with her life, and how she had coped with everything in her life with an attitude of gratitude.
This is nothing new to any of us. But to be reminded of it in such a way was priceless. All three of us find the challenges in our lives almost knock us to the ground at times, and yet we too know this secret. We can admit that we don't practice it enough outwardly or openly, so that others know how much we feel that way. And we agreed that we need to practise it more inwardly than we already do. So, out of the mouth of this young man we heard as much as in a sermon.
This morning I woke up reviewing the many challenges in my life and the many hurdles ahead of me, and reminded myself that I like challenges, that in some sense I thrive on them, even if they can exhaust and overwhelm me at times. So I resolved that my tasks these days are to organize myself better so that I can continue to meet the challenges I want to meet, and I have to meet. And I believe that through God's grace and in Christ I will be able to do what I need to do, and that He will lead me through the challenges I have no choice about, and to the challenges that are best for me to set my sights on for the long term future, and continuing in those I have already chosen that are right for me but will take a lot of ongoing work and courage. I trust Him, and I am so grateful for the opportunities to grow in that trust, and in an attitude of gratitude.
This is nothing new to any of us. But to be reminded of it in such a way was priceless. All three of us find the challenges in our lives almost knock us to the ground at times, and yet we too know this secret. We can admit that we don't practice it enough outwardly or openly, so that others know how much we feel that way. And we agreed that we need to practise it more inwardly than we already do. So, out of the mouth of this young man we heard as much as in a sermon.
This morning I woke up reviewing the many challenges in my life and the many hurdles ahead of me, and reminded myself that I like challenges, that in some sense I thrive on them, even if they can exhaust and overwhelm me at times. So I resolved that my tasks these days are to organize myself better so that I can continue to meet the challenges I want to meet, and I have to meet. And I believe that through God's grace and in Christ I will be able to do what I need to do, and that He will lead me through the challenges I have no choice about, and to the challenges that are best for me to set my sights on for the long term future, and continuing in those I have already chosen that are right for me but will take a lot of ongoing work and courage. I trust Him, and I am so grateful for the opportunities to grow in that trust, and in an attitude of gratitude.
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