joy in structure, boundaries, appreciation and encouragement

This was my first day at my new job at the thrift store. I worked extremely hard, quickly, cheerfully and productively. I am pleased with what I did and know that others are too. Part of the reason it was easy to want to work hard and well was because there are lots of good boundaries on this job. The rules are clear and fair, and everyone abides by them. When you do a good job, you get praised and thanked. Of course I knew that would be so before I took the job, and that was a big reason I wanted it. How important good boundaries are, and how important encouragement and praise are. Really we can't live without any of them. And that is what God gives us in His Word, in His dealings with us, in His people when they behave as they should. He always has the right balance, the fair rules, the praise and appreciation we know from Him deep within our hearts. Really we're talking about rules with relationship. We can't have one with the other, or it's like the law without love, or love that knows no boundaries. I am tired and not expressing myself well, but you know what I mean. Instinctively we know what the balance is, and when we experience it we feel that harmony that I feel now, with myself and with this work team I have joined. That is a new joy that I can celebrate, as I work hard.

joy in living in the right place

Today we ventured more than an hour south to the city of Barrie. To anyone used to big cities it would seem small. But for me, although raised in and having lived in many cities, it is too big. It is like a necessary evil to go there, this time for my daughter to get her immunizations for her trip to Uganda, and some shopping at the big mall and the bigger specialty stores. I am always so relieved to get back home. That trip north late in the day, whatever the occasion, is always full of conversations in my head about how glad I am that I live in Muskoka. Only last evening my husband and I took a slow walk through our "downtown" and browsed the shop windows. We saw the price of real estate and mused again on how grateful we are that we bought our house when we did - nine years ago, when we still lived in Uganda. That whole story of God's leading and our internal desires working in concert is amazing. This time we mused more particularly about how we were led to make that decision when our lives in Uganda were still relatively peaceful. We didn't understand why we were doing it. We just felt God nudging us. And He led amazingly all the way. Last night we recognized more fully how difficult it would have been for us to make such a decision when we finally left Uganda in a relative rush, due to the terrible persecution and abuse we were experiencing. How terrible it would have been to not only cope with that trauma, settle our kids in some kind of normality in a new place in a new province and a whole new way of doing things back in Canada, but also to have the peace and assurance to find God's leading about a place to make our home, let alone find a home we liked and be able to afford to buy it. How profound it is now to look back once again in a fresh way and rejoice at God's leading back then. And each day, especially as I wake to birdsong and look out on the river running through town, I rejoice again that whatever else is going on, I live in a lovely place, a little patch of wilderness in the midst of a lovely town, in the lovely area of Muskoka. There will be many more trips south, for many years to come, and always I will be able to look forward to that homecoming to a home I love in a place that is so right for me and our family. And how blessed I am in this land where so many are homeless and struggling, rootless and afraid. Since I have known many rootless, fearful days in my life, I appreciate this security all the more. And I desire to give to others out of this place. Much of that has already happened. There is so much more to come. As this home is part of God's saving the best home to the last in my life, so I trust He is saving many more adventures that will surpass all that I have known. Here's to more roads, more adventures, and more homecomings!

joy in hard work, routine, simplicity and companionship

Today I was hired for the sorting sales clerk at the local Salvation Army Thrift Store. Nine 40 hour weeks of minimum wage sorting, on my feet, working hard hard hard with a dedicated team of dear people. I have so much respect for these unassuming people. Proud to be one of them, to come out of the random, alienating, permanent stranger making world of supply teaching. This is one way I can learn to relax - strange as it sounds - in this beautiful Muskoka summer I choose to do this - but God led me - my gut told me the routine would help me settle and relax - the little bit of cash would help me feel better about our situation, and the companionship of being part of a team would be healing. I rejoice that God will teach me lots this way - I believe I will get more done and relax more than if I stayed home all day, which can drive me squirrely. To everything turn, turn. This is the season for this. I thank God for His provision for me. How many lessons there are in life, and what blessing comes in unusual packages. Funny thing is, I have practically kept this store in business the years we have been in town - bought most of my clothes and many furnishings and belongings there - bought little dreams in lonely moments - retail therapy - like the garage salers who visited my carport last Saturday - all ninety of them on a rainy morning! My garage saleing days are over - I didn't take the job at the Thrift store to get more stuff - if anything I trust it will turn me off stuff even more - that's a great thing. God works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform, and we can rejoice in the truth of that cliche. Onward and upward!

joy in learning body language

My chiropractor did her routine adjustment on my neck this afternoon. But something new happened. Tears sprang to my eyes, and I shared deep feelings locked inside. We were both surprised in one way, and not in another. Our dialogue about my body's reflection of deep tension over my lifetime is ongoing. Today was proof that the journey is moving in the right direction...the iceberg beneath the surface is moving up and making its presence felt; the deep healing is coming. I can only rejoice. Yet I am taken aback again at the legacy of my life; the years of neglect, tension and abstinence have taken their toll. I wonder how I shall cope, how I shall move on....and yet I can have joy, in the midst of my pain, that there is hope....that as I learn body language, these "words" so foreign to my being and my background, that I will walk forward slowly into the promised land of connection between my body and my soul.

joy in recognizing and preserving our heritage

I lay this morning on the cottage living room floor on the mattress from the uncomfortable sofa bed moved up from my mother's apartment last year when her cancer got the better of her interesting life in Windsor. I mused upon the cedar beams and the pine boards of the cathedral ceiling Dad and she envisioned and had built in 1969. I recalled the many evenings of square dancing and sparkling fires, slide shows and card games, with several generations present. Almost forty years later I celebrate the way my parents put their vision into a building, now labelled a knockdown cottage. I mused also upon the recognition in my spirit that these parents, so different from me in so many ways, like me needed a vision to keep them going. Like we all do. They needed to create a world that represented their love of nature, their desire for company and fellowship, their appreciation of simplicity and beauty. The openness of the big windows on three sides, and the huge totally screened porch spelled out their desire for connection with the land and world of Muskoka. Lying in the lovely early morning sunshine on Canada Day, 2008, I celebrated these dear Canadians, my parents, Dorothy and Cyril, in this year of my mother's death a few months ago, almost 95, twenty years after my father's death, and I remembered their vision and the heritage they have given me, in this cottage, and in my life, as I set aside the stories of tension and misunderstanding I also carried within my being. I rejoiced, and found new joysprings in these stories in the beams above me, in the windows around me, in the trees and lake that beckoned to me, that they and I loved together for all those years. This is a deep part of my Canadian heritage, these parents who in their own way were Canadian pioneers and settlers, like so many people I know and love in this part of Canada that has now become my permanent home...Muskoka, land of those who love the land.

joy in celebrating Canada on July 1st

A poem promised in the last blog post:

I am Canadian

When they yelled,
"You American!"
I said, "No!
I am Canadian."

When they sneered,
"African scum!"
I said "No!
I am Canadian."

When they asked,
"Do you feel Ugandan?"
I said, "No!
I am Canadian."

They accused,
"You're so different!
I said, "So?
I am Canadian."

I've traveled the world,
I met different people,
I tasted different food,
I witnessed different cultures,
I gazed on different skies,
I am a different person.

But in my heart,
I am still Canadian,
Canadian first,
Canadian last,
Canadian forever.

I am Canadian.

joy in having other writers in the family

I've just asked my daughter Sarah, who is in Uganda, the land of her childhood, if I can start sharing her poems etc. on my blog. After all, she tied for first place in the God Uses Ink contest for unpublished writers ages 14 to 19 for this year's Word Guild Write Canada conference. She would have been using her free prize admission to the conference herself (she'll use it next year) if she hadn't decided to stay on in Uganda. So I went with Jim this year again. He went alone last year. Jim is writing an epic historical novel...I am getting up the courage to help him with it. We have readings aloud every so often, and Rachel, our other daughter, an artist like Sarah, might do the illustrations for it. My problem is that I might be too hard on Jim and his writing, being an English teacher and former freelance writer and all that. But at the Write Canada conference this year Jim and I heard a common language we can use to work on his novel editing. Whew!! There was a great 5 session Continuing Class on fiction writing for idiots. What a huge help. I am also hoping to get into editing to make some money...small time editing first...might need to take a course or two to brush up on my instinctive sense about writing and my fanatical grammar and spelling sniffer, built into me... Yes, I DO know how to use a semi colon, and a comma...and I do say "it's" and "its" in the proper places, and I DON'T say "laying" when I mean "lying" etc....I hope that there is scope and hope for me beyond the blogging world...since my first "published" story...in the school yearbook in 1964 if you please, called "The Purple Blob"(about my Dad's wine making efforts and accidents) I've had a yen to be a writer of sorts....I think I need some more tickles on my funny bone...Sarah has a great pungent wit and sense of irony in her writing....I am learning lots from her too...seems my creative spirit was rather quelled as I grew up, despite being in the boomer generation.....it's comforting to know that if my daughters are such talented writers and artists it must have come from somewhere...Jim the engineer is branching into fiction...Meg the English teacher can branch into art and poetry...there's joy in knowing that being creative is really part of our "call" from God....we barely touch the surface of the possibilities God has for us...when we step out and risk and trust Him...and ourselves...

aha! joy in getting feedback...and laughing about our "reputations"

Hey! My dear hubbie just read my blog and commented that people may tar me with the same brush as Paul Tillich because I mentioned his name in a favourable way. I thought that might happen. Guess I have entered the fray. What do we do with stuff like that? I am an evangelical Christian in the truest sense of the word. But I like the honesty of lots of people who are not. There is much that Paul Tillich has written that I would likely profoundly disagree with, and yet I like lots of things he has said. The same could be true of other people I might quote. And here is the rub. If I were not a publicly declared Christian in mnistry maybe it would only matter to me and God. But because I am out there, in the arena so to speak, I need to clarify who I am and what I believe.

When do we worry about the "appearance of evil"? I am facing this in a small and potentially humourous way about an "accident" coming out of my last blog. I was horrified to discover on looking at the "Dashboard (control center)" for it after more than a year, that I am listed as having another website also called www.testicles4me.blogspot.com" You can check it out yourself. Type that in and see that "Meg W....former missionary, etc..." has this website. It could seem that it was either "spontaneously" (or maliciously) created because there was one time when I created a "test"...

What do I do? I can't get into the control center because I don't have the active email address that set up my first blog. So I live with the embarrassment of this and trust that those who know me will just laugh at the evils and spoofs of internet stuff....

Reminds me of how I tried to react to the malicious stories about us when we lived in Uganda...people spread gossip that we were working for the CIA....it was so ridiculous...I said to Jim..."Let's buy T shirts when we are on furlough in Canada with CIA on them!" Then I thought more carefully..and another missionary agreed with me...people wouldn't know what to do with it...they would BELIEVE our T shirts...their humour and logic are different...

Another time we were talking with our missionary friends about the gossip about our friendship and fellowship with Christians from many denominations in town. Furthermore these other missionaries, being from big mission societies, had labelled vehicles such as Baptist Union of Uganda, or United Pentecostals...etc. etc....So at one peak of frustration with all this nonsense I said to some of them..."Be sure when you are going round the corner by the cathedral that you shout out from your labelled truck that you've just been to visit the ....at Canada House...."!!!

How do we respond to misunderstanding? How much trouble should we take with our reputations when we have clear consciences, true Christian belief and behaviour.....where do we find the joy in the midst of this kind of frustration and suffering? Do we just get silly like I wanted to, or do we actually declare ourselves...I guess the place of joy is a combination...and then we leave the rest to God, and trust that if it is really important those who want to know who and what we are will ask us, and check..will give us feedback, like my husband did.

some clarifications about joy

Remember the campfire song...or VBS...or Sunday School.....even in my worship leading I use it sometimes...."I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart...where? ...etc.etc.." I sing it and mean it. That joy is down there and it is real. Nothing can take away my joy in knowing Jesus Christ and having Him live in my heart. That is bottom line for me. I can sing the words to this song and mean it....t"Happiness is to know the Saviour, living a life within His favour..taking a trip that leads to Heaven.....happiness is the Lord....true joy is mine...no matter if the teardrops start....I've found the answer...it's Jesus in my heart....etc. etc...." I could go on and on. I wouldn't be a worship leader if I couldn't. And leading worship helps my joy to grow, to return, and to stay.

But I wouldn't be studying counselling, or writing these kinds of thoughts, if I didn't know the struggle to feel joy in the midst of pain. I don't have a faith that is based on denial of my humanity, an ignorance of others' suffering, or a Pollyanna attitude to all the bad things that can happen, or have happened to me, and to others....A greater joy has come for me somehow in knowing that it is okay, as a Christian, to acknowledge pain and suffering, to share it with others, and to listen to theirs...it is actually a biblical injunction....but there is a lot of happy clappy Christianity around, and I don't want to come across that way. Choosing the name joysprings was a deliberate choice....a way of saying that there are springs of joy available to us that are at the deepest place in the well of suffering...and those springs are in Christ...and knowing that He suffered all that we suffer....

There was a great workshop at Write Canada about that....the power of sharing your pain...and how to work through stuff as you write, as it comes alive again, and how to write as you work through stuff....I imagine that most of my musings will come back to this point, and counterpoint, again and again...for in a sense that is what the Christian life is all about...and life in general...finding the joy in the pain....knowing that Jesus is with us...no matter what happens..and that as we sow in tears, we shall reap in joy.

joy in getting our words out

I guess we who blog want to get our words out. I don't remember the exact stats, but the impression I have is that women have more words they need to get out daily than men do. Whatever they are, I have found in my life that often when given a chance, or half a one, I have a lot to say about something. But so much of the time I don't talk much to people or want to, basically being a private person. So a new way to get my words out seems to be to blog. Thus I can muse to my heart's content, and maybe some of it will bless some of you. I have often found that my words have blessed others, especially when well chosen. Yet I, like you, am a busy person, and I tend not to want to spend a lot of time thinking through what I want to say. I do enough of that for essays and assignments. So to be able to share things thoughtfully but spontaneously, around a sort of theme, suits me fine. It might be that I can do a daily blog, getting some musings out there early in the morning for anyone to read and comment back. I was impressed by the person giving the blogging seminar at the Write Canada conference a few weeks ago, because she puts something on her blog every morning, very early, so that there is something for those expecting her words when they log on around 9 a.m.. That's a real discipline, and obviously her life is very organized around her blog and much of what has come out of that. She also comments a lot on current issues. That is not my intent, however much I admire those who do. But I do believe I have some useful thoughts to share on the interface of authentic Christianity and authentic humanity. For me that means living with integrity in every way...being honest about my struggles with life, sharing the joy I have in knowing Jesus Christ, as my saviour, personal friend, and Lord, and yet also, like Paul Tillich, having many days to just get up the "courage to be". Since I know that so many people live in that space, between a rock and a hard place, and I have lived in that space many of my days, I think I have something to contribute to the words that are already around about all that. I want my blogs to be musings, not rantings, so I may not give my opinion on a lot of things. But I do want to have an essential honesty about life and living it the Christian way, with reality. That is something else I have so appreciated about the Word Guild and the Write Canada conferences, all two of them that I have been to....that they are serious Christians who are serious about connecting with people where they are at...and serious about sharing about where they are at....in a way that rings true...the writers who have spoken at the plenary sessions are so real...and to try to be a writer...let alone a Christian writer in this day and age requires you to be very real....about some very basic things...like how to make money to survive...and yet live with integrity....these are some of the giants I battle each day....maybe you do too...So here goes - and may there be joy for me and for you in the sharing, as I get my words out...and please...get some out back to me...I may not have a lot of time for dialogue, but we can try!