joy in learning patience in quiet waiting

I have decided to do a little series on waiting - and watching. In two days' time I am going to go away for a few days and not have access to internet, so I think this will be the theme also for my Wednesday devotional blog. And it is indeed my growing edge, and all these posts only mean something for me or anyone else if they arise out of my own growth, and struggle. The other day I was expressing my frustration about various things going on in my life just now, mostly about the kinds of work available or not available, ministry and personal issues. My pastor's comment was to be patient. She was so right, of course. And that was a timely comment that particular day, helping me to stay connected with my theme of making straight paths and moving in a slow and steady way. And that day I enrolled in the courses that help me to feel I will be moving ahead, however slowly. But today was one of those days when I felt like I was standing still. And God has met me in that need. As I went on some errands today, I met contacts from various parts of my life, another supply teacher, my friend at the thrift store, a friend from the business course I took last year. They were all able to connect with where I was at, and reassure me of the slow and steady journey, and it felt good to be able to share, and to have them give me helpful feedback. God met me in them today. And most of all the reading for today has so much, that I want to quote from it for days to come, but for today, from Streams in the Desert, this is what I quote, from her quote from a J.R. Miller, whoever he was:

"Must life be a failure for one compelled to stand still in enforced inaction and see the great throbbing tides of life go by? No, victory is then to be gotten by standing still, by quiet waiting. It is a thousand times harder to do than it was in the active days to rush on in the columns of stirring life. It requires a grander heroism to stand and wait and not lose heart and not lose hope, to submit to the will of God, to give up work and honors to others, to be quiet, confident and rejoicing, while the happy, busy multitude go on and away. It is the grandest life "having done all, to stand."

So I know that my heavenly Father is watching me, like His little sparrow, and I am off to my mountains of work in the basement, and other ways to faithfully plod on with my many hidden but important tasks to do. I recall a word of encouragement given to me many, many years ago, when I was standing still in those years for a season, " Your time for going forward will come."

joy in keeping connections

A missionary friend from years ago is in Canada settling his son into university. Our daughters met up with the rest of his family in Kampala last week. Their friends are connected with the counselling program I am in, and they know counselling/therapy programs out in Kenya and Uganda. God is keeping up with us and our growth, and we with that of others. We came home to Canada after five years on the field, they have been out there for thirteen. We were on our own, they are with a big international mission organization. There are more differences and similarities. But we have stayed connected, in a disjointed way, but the fundamental heart tie and worldview connection remains the same. When we met in Uganda we knew we shared a similar view of mission; now that we are back it is great to know that our view of the world remains the same, despite our return. For missionaries it is so important to keep all these connections, and even more so for our children. We also talked today with our daughters in Uganda via cellphone. They are looking forward to being anonymous in Canada again. They are enjoying connecting with their childhood home, friends, and neighbourhood. But they realize they have moved on and so they are integrating the parts of their lives and the people in the parts. We are glad to launch them, and miss them so. They are glad to branch out, but miss us so much also. Connections are so much what life is all about. I am so grateful that we can do it so easily, by email and phone. What a different world for missionaries, and all of us, today. And yet the fundamental issues and concerns remain the same: maintaining our connectedness and our sense of identity in the midst of all that happens for us. I take joy today that I and my children and my friends can continue to do that today.

joy in making straight paths for my feet

Today was a day to do more concrete work about finding other forms of employment and possibly study to supplement what I am already doing. It was confusing in some ways to open up a can of worms a little and look again at various options. Yes, I am a supply teacher, and yes, I am engaged in a long term plan of study in counselling. But the first can often be aggravating, not really feel like me, and not provide enough income, and the second is such a long journey that I'm not sure how to work the two together and use my other gifts in various ways in the meantime. The Employment resource centre staff were very helpful, providing options to look at, ways of revamping my resume etc. Yet it was hard too, trying on various selves for size and asking again and again, "Who am I?". But God was faithful, ever whispering in my ear, " Make straight paths for your feet; take only ways that are firm." And in turn I was saying back to Him, "Slow and steady, get me ready", as a little child to my heavenly Father. And my dear Daddy God brought me through for today. He led me to open the page in a community college calendar to a certification I can get on Saturdays over the next school year in Teaching and Training Adults. It is simple, straightforward, inexpensive, and will open doors to using my gifts at college and industry level. I registered for the first batch of courses, and moved from a sense of floundering as I walked on the water, to feeling His solid ground beneath my feet. He has told me before that His faithfulness would entwine with my faithfulness. This was the fruit. I kept true to my vision of what He is calling me to be, and the person I believe I am and want to be, and resisted trying to bend myself out of shape to take jobs that don't fit, and He gave me back another open door which will lead me along a straight path that enhances the path I am already on. In this coming year when I cannot afford to do much in my counselling studies because of my need to work and to be near home with my girls for one more year, I now can connect the past, present and future in a straight way. This brings me great joy once again, and increases my trust in my dear Father and Saviour, and His voice within me, His Holy Spirit.

joy in making "use" of God, as He wants us to

Today is Wednesday, my day for posting a devotional on the team blog, www.whateverhesays.blogspot.com. As always, I am fascinated by what I am led to share about, and I learn more about myself and my God as I do. Here is today's blog

Not Just Curiosities for a Museum

Do you remember the times when God has made things so clear to you? You wrestle through a decision, seeking His guidance, and you get it without a shadow of doubt. He did that for me about my decision to apply for the Master of Divinity in Counselling at a seminary. At the time I needed unmistakable guidance because there was a powerful mentor in my life believing God was calling me in a different direction. It was a season in my life when I was working through how I made decisions in relation to others, and was learning to listen to God’s voice deep within my heart and match it against the voices of others outside of me. It was a threatening time, and it was new territory to trust my heart and the voice within me.

Today I read some lines from C.H. Spurgeon which reminded me of that day.

“There is nothing Christ dislikes more than for His people to make a show-thing of Him, and not to use Him. He loves to be employed by us. Covenant blessings are not meant to be looked at only, but to be appropriated. Even our Lord Jesus is given to us for our present use. ….do not treat God’s promises as if they were curiosities for a museum, but use them as everyday sources of comfort. Trust the Lord whenever your time of need comes on.”

The details of how I “made use” of Christ that unforgettable day are too personal to share. But in a beautiful, whimsical and unmistakable way He spoke to me and confirmed the leading of my heart. And I needed that knowledge. Oh how I have needed it in the days, months and years that have followed. I look at the long journey I embarked on to fulfill that goal and I wonder if I will make it. There seem to be endless valleys to go through, mountains to climb and battles to fight. But His promise and His word to me keep me daily as my comfort. And they provide me also with heavenly equipment for the journey and the battles, described by Spurgeon in the same excerpt. Today I take courage from these words, and trust they bless you too:

“We have all heard of swords which were made useless in war; and even of shoes which were made to sell, but were never meant to walk in. God’s shoes are of iron and brass, and you can walk to heaven in them without their ever wearing out; and His lifebelts, you may swim a thousand Atlantics upon them, and there will be no fear of your sinking. His word of promise is meant to be tried and proved. …How can God say no to something He has promised?”

As I wrote this I read Belinda’s comments about lightening up, which is my constant desire and intent, as I scour the floor of the basement of my own heart. And I meditate again upon this amazing God I know who gives me laughter amid tears, and joy in the midst of pain. And I guess I continue to know that they must always go hand in hand. Somehow the iron and brass shoes (kind of a crazy image, eh, if we think literally about them) God gives us are indestructible because they are forged in the fires of pain and struggle, and somehow the lightness He can give us makes them wearable. How’s that for homemade theology?

Spurgeon himself, in the next day’s reading, speaks of God’s rod blossoming with sweet flowers and nourishing fruits. Think of that story of the blossoming rod from the Bible. How’s that for a comic image? Only God could do that.

So even as I have meditated on the sure word of guidance God gave me several years ago and how I have often resented the trials that have come since, I know deep within my spirit that they were also love-letters from God delivered “in black-edged envelopes”, as Spurgeon says. They are the treasures of darkness, the blessings from the storm, the good things in the bad things. And because of them I am being made into the kind of person who can fulfill the kind of work that He is leading me into. This is our great mysterious God whose ways are not our ways, whose thoughts are not our thoughts. He will meet us in our ways and thoughts, and speak to us through His promises, and He wants us to “use” Him to bring us into our destinies, but always He is teaching us through everything that His promises are not like curiosities in a museum, they are always Yea and Amen. He, the Alpha and the Omega, uses our trials to make us take those curiosities out of the museum of our Sunday School theologies, and forge them into the shoes and lifebelts that will carry us through all the journeys and oceans of life.

joy in facing life in adult ways with childlike trust

Today was another reflective day - whether in important conversation, sorting and throwing things out, digging a trench on our garden slope, evaluating a video to use in group presentations in the business I hope to set up. The thread weaving through it all was the empowered sense of making very huge decisions on my own or with one or two others, and how adult that felt - and by saying that I indicate that there have been many times perhaps when my decision making has not felt so mature, or I have made big decisions without realizing the implications. These days the awareness of the ramifications and issues is so powerful as to be overwhelming at times. And that is where my childlike trust in God's goodness, faithfulness and sovereignty comes in. He wants me to exercise my full maturity to the extent that I can; yet He also wants me to remain in and even increase my childlike dependence upon Him. I know that I could not cope with the responsibilities I carry if I did not know I could remain a child at least with Him. That is a huge joy, an essential requirement for any kind of joy in my life. I guess it's a variation on the saying: "Work as if it all depended on you; trust as if it all depended on God."

joy in making my own decisions and not seeking approval

Today has been a mixture of heavy and light. There was a lightness and freedom because of an important decision I had been led to make. There was also a heaviness of concern about how that decision would impact others. I had to look at why that heaviness was there. The root of it was that I was worried about the disapproval and misunderstanding of those others. I had to work through those feelings to a place of acceptance of my right to make this decision and my need to accept myself and not to worry if those others would accept me for my decision or understand it or approve of it. So I came to a new place of freedom. Making a big decision and accepting the consequences and not seeking approval were scarey moves- they led me out into a new place of risk and by facing my fears led me further along on my path to freedom. That brings joy today.

joy in God rescuing us in the valley

Today was a different day emotionally..no ta das at first...coming to grips with some stuff again...and needing to trust the Lord for the future without knowing how He will open the way...and at church the readings and songs were all about that...how he saves us in the storm, when we are walking on the water and fall in, etc. How good He was to remind me in such a definite way and so in the reminder was a rescue too...a rescue from despondency...I may not be really joyful but I can trust that the joy will come again, and that the new valleys will continue to lead to greater joys.