joy in the new song in my mouth

Well, the modem got here on Friday, which was a great blessing so I could upload my weekly post for the devotional team blog I write for, on Saturdays now, instead of Wednesdays. It has been good to have a wee break from blogging, and it's good to be back online, so to speak! Here's my special post for the week, which comes out of my session with my Spiritual Director a week ago.


Hearing and singing a new song in my heart

“Now relax, and go in peace into each new day and trust me mightily for the future.” These were the closing words I wrote down that God spoke into my heart in a time of deep communion with Him several weeks ago. I have become used to God speaking such words to me, and have recorded them for many years now. God knows that I need to hear from Him in other ways too. He has placed people in my life to give me landmarks in my progress and upward growth. A few days after those words directly from God to me on my own, my spiritual friend quoted these verses to me:

I waited patiently for the Lord;
He turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
Out of the mud and mire;
He set my feet on a rock
And gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
A hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
And put their trust in the Lord.

Psalm 40: 1-3

As she read these words, as she had received them from God, I realized that despite my many years of walking in companionship with the Lord, I had still been in and out of a slimy pit, a muddy emotional uncertainty about His ultimate view of me, His faithfulness and promise of good things. These words reflected the recent shift within me to a place of deep and absolute conviction in His goodness. I was on solid ground. Not only that, as I listened I heard in my head the very new song as God declared He had put it in my mouth.

This is my song of praise to You,
For who You are and all that You do;
From the moment my life began
You have been faithful.

It was a song I had heard somewhere but never sung myself or in our woship team. I was eager to get back home and find out who wrote and sang it and learn it fully so that I could sing this song to the world, so that “many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.”

I knew God was saying in this line that all my struggles would be used as a sign, a witness to the world of His faithfulness, when others would see how He had brought me through in a way that only He could do. I remembered the lessons I used to teach to others about the big picture lines in the Old Testament. I learned them myself through a Perspectives course where we would look for the line in various stories, psalms and passages that would show why God had done mighty deeds, such as the slaying of Goliath, “so that all the world would know that there was a God in Israel”.

I realized too that the song He had put in my mouth, flowing out of my heart, was like the recitation of His deeds in the mouths of His people in the Bible. They reminded themselves of His faithfulness to them in the past in order to stir up their faith in Him for the future. In a similar way I could tell His story of my life to draw others to faith and trust in Him.

Even now, He reminds me of words He spoke to me through a stranger at a Renewal conference over 25 years ago: “Let go of the pen with which I (God) am writing the story of your life. When I (God) write the story of your life, what beautiful stories I (God) will write.” Now I thank you, Lord, for this beautiful story that I am writing,(which comes from You), and I thank You for this beautiful song, written and sung by another, but written and singing in my heart forevermore.

Faithful Father

Father, I can’t explain this kind of love
This kind of grace
I know I still break Your heart
And yet You run to welcome me

This is my song of praise to You
For who You are and all that You do
From the moment my life began
You have been faithful.

Father I love the way you hold me close
And say my name
I know when my life is through
My heart will find its home in You

This is my song of praise to You
For who You are and all that You do
From the moment my life began
You have been faithful
You will be faithful
Forever faithful
Father

This is our song of praise to You
For who You are and all that You do
From before the world began
You have been faithful
You have been faithful
You will be faithful
Forever faithful
Father.

Words and Music by Brian Doerksen
Mercy/Vineyard Publishing

joy in a forced change of habit

Our modem died yesterday and a new one is coming in the mail. Interestingly enough, we are all glad to have the break from the temptations of technology. I am at the local library now, having got exercise walking over. But I have a busy day, and I am going to take a rest from blogging as well. It is good, always, to rest from anything I think...God did.

joy in making spaces in my day

I find it hard to really say I am slowing down, but I am taking things as they come. When I was studying too much for the season of my life, or pushing too much with the combination of work and home, I was not able to respond with my whole heart to each relationship and conversation, need or opportunity that came my way. I was agitated inside about everything else I had to do. Now that for some time I have taken time to clear up backlogs and create spaces for everything in physical ways in my home (remember your teacher who said "A place for everything and everything in its place"?) I am more able to give space to people and their needs. Before when I did that it would add extra pressure to everything else, or else I would not be fully present to the person. Now when my daughters want to discuss things, need me to look at their work or plan something, I can connect with my whole being.

Last night a pastor friend down the road invited me for a late evening walk on the snowy roads. It was great to be free to walk all over the downtown with her sharing about our days and relaxing by using our muscles before bedtime. My spiritual director whom I met with on Friday in Toronto was so delighted that I am on my "own program", not someone else's, that I am making my way, finding my way, on my own with the Lord, and not feeling I have to do things a certain way to please others, but to know I am pleasing God by what I am doing. She has been longing to see that in me for a long time.

I find as well that when I do this, making space for myself and others, then of course there is more space for God. I delight even more to commune with Him, because my sense of His presence has increased, and my sense of His blessing on my life is greater. When I was overtaxed then I felt resentment more easily, against myself and my failings, against others, and so indirectly against Him, because somehow I mistakenly believed that it was His will that was leading me to have to get so much done so quickly.

My prayer is that I will even more deeply celebrate His presence in my day, and that as I make more spaces in every way, that what is fitting for each space, physically, or emotionally, or whatever else, will all become clear, and a continuing growth of His order in my life will emerge. Yes, this is the journey I have been on for a long time. I am just putting clearer words to it, as the shape and rhythm emerge more clearly.

joy in lessons learned in Muskoka weather

I sit beside the office window that looks out on the snow covered street. My daughter and I have just returned from the school, where we learned the cancellation notice had gone out just after we left the house. Her trip to Toronto is off. Such is life in Muskoka in particular in the winter. I am grateful for being cozy inside, with lots to do. I am also more used to winter driving. Nevertheless the child in me prefers not to deal with harsh reality so much of the time. I didn't grow up here. I lived many years in Windsor, London, Hamilton, Toronto, Scotland, North Vancouver, Uganda. I am still learning to embrace and love winter. Lots of changes. I embraced rain, fog, and harsh sunlight. Now it's snow and snow and snow. How much there is to learn in life, about weather and dealing with it, let alone about everything else!!! And I have so many comforts and pleasant boundaries, even with all that is difficult for me. How much I learn as I grow older about not comparing myself with others, about seeing things from their perspective, and about not expecting them to understand mine. It becomes easier not to try to prove things, to explain things. Especially when I know that my heavenly father keeps track of it all, knows it all, understands it all. As my intimacy with Him increases, then my need to be understood by others decreases. What else works? And in time, what needs to be revealed, about myself and about others, will be. That is where the joy is. Let it snow.

joy in the new song in my mouth

Today I am rejoicing because of the confirmation God has been giving me of His work in my life. When I met with my spiritual director on Friday afternoon at Tyndale, she was excited to see the growth and fruit in my life, and her confirming scripture verses were exciting to me, of course, as always. One verse was from Psalm 40: " He put a new song in my mouth". As soon as she said that, I began to sing this song in my mind:

This is my song of praise to you
For who you are and all that you do
From the moment my life began,
You have been faithful,
You will be faithful,
Forever faithful.

I couldn't remember at the time who sang it or where I had heard it, but when I got home I was able to find it on You Tube of course, and it is embedded in a medley of songs by Brian Doerksen, which I share here now with you.