joy in making spaces in my day

I find it hard to really say I am slowing down, but I am taking things as they come. When I was studying too much for the season of my life, or pushing too much with the combination of work and home, I was not able to respond with my whole heart to each relationship and conversation, need or opportunity that came my way. I was agitated inside about everything else I had to do. Now that for some time I have taken time to clear up backlogs and create spaces for everything in physical ways in my home (remember your teacher who said "A place for everything and everything in its place"?) I am more able to give space to people and their needs. Before when I did that it would add extra pressure to everything else, or else I would not be fully present to the person. Now when my daughters want to discuss things, need me to look at their work or plan something, I can connect with my whole being.

Last night a pastor friend down the road invited me for a late evening walk on the snowy roads. It was great to be free to walk all over the downtown with her sharing about our days and relaxing by using our muscles before bedtime. My spiritual director whom I met with on Friday in Toronto was so delighted that I am on my "own program", not someone else's, that I am making my way, finding my way, on my own with the Lord, and not feeling I have to do things a certain way to please others, but to know I am pleasing God by what I am doing. She has been longing to see that in me for a long time.

I find as well that when I do this, making space for myself and others, then of course there is more space for God. I delight even more to commune with Him, because my sense of His presence has increased, and my sense of His blessing on my life is greater. When I was overtaxed then I felt resentment more easily, against myself and my failings, against others, and so indirectly against Him, because somehow I mistakenly believed that it was His will that was leading me to have to get so much done so quickly.

My prayer is that I will even more deeply celebrate His presence in my day, and that as I make more spaces in every way, that what is fitting for each space, physically, or emotionally, or whatever else, will all become clear, and a continuing growth of His order in my life will emerge. Yes, this is the journey I have been on for a long time. I am just putting clearer words to it, as the shape and rhythm emerge more clearly.